Diana B

Sleepless in Lindenhurst

Sun, 05 Oct 2008 06:05:12 GMT

If time does not exist than why do i always feel rushed. Where did i learn this feeling. Its Steves Birthday and im sitting here reflexing about how much i absolutly adore him. ILOVEHIM. goodnight its late.

Your so Vain

Mon, 29 Sep 2008 04:32:54 GMT

All this Jandro reading.
I saw his cousin this Friday at Four. It was nuts like i lost my breath for a second. All i was thinking was please dont make eye contact. While i peaked from the kitchen i looked for Jandro, knowing that nothing would change. Still in his acid washed jean, black sneakers and an oversized sweater that was his older brothers. There was a fear. Did he look better than me? I can not run into him when i am at work. I can not believe i wait tables. I have to be sucessful. It likesall my insecurites came out because of him, someone that i dont even care about. Such a strange feeling. And if i looked super hot and was completely sucessful.. than would i have wanted to see him . NO.
maybe. am i vain?

Mon, 29 Sep 2008 04:14:04 GMT

Scarlett looks beautiful in that photo. Her face has aged and her eyes now glow in the dark. I can only imagine what i look like in a photo now. I exactly remember every post i have wrote like i can stir up those events and they haven't gone anywhere. Maybe i have a problem letting go because i still have the same emotions. I wish my life was filled with daily drama like it once was. I figured out why i do not sleep. You sleep to dream. I hate dreaming. Daydreaming of course, my controlable fantasies. The subconsious is not kind to me. It holds on to the worst. Even when i have dirty dreams they are not right. Good because they are dirty but something is off. I will just continue to take power naps. They dont allow me enough time to have complete thoughts only bags around my eyes.

is it okay that i like a starting line song?

Sat, 27 Mar 2004 04:08:17 GMT

Its werid spending a friday night at my own place, sitting on my coach playing with my computer. ALONE. I never thought i would be okay with it but i am completely happy. Its strange how life changes so quickly. You never know when things can turn around. Thankgod. i needed it so bad.

this is forever.

Tue, 09 Mar 2004 18:23:43 GMT

SO its been longer than a year since i have wrote. I want to be one of those people who can actually keep up with something. This is my personal quest. for me. I know the only one who would ever read this would be marla, as if you dont hear enough of my babble. I just want to let you know i am so thankful for you marla. you have been so accepting of everything and supportive it makes me and steve feel very loved and proud to have you in our lives. i cant wait to share you with our son.
I read past journals and i feel like moron. i guess that is what this is for. To look stupid in print.

for seroiusly

Mon, 02 Sep 2002 22:48:07 GMT

Okay.

the longest time.

Fri, 12 Jul 2002 14:38:12 GMT

marla. i blame this on you. ever since you have been back from london i have no journal. im starting up again. as if i dont talk to nicole and marla enough i must also write about the things i will tell them an hour later over the phone. Besides. do i have free time.

Mon, 20 May 2002 19:41:16 GMT

If i could even explain the beauty in gabrielle. I could stare at her endlessly with her peachfuzz red hair. Allison comes home tommorrow. I am so happy for her. Im so happy for everyone. Im just so happy she is here and i love her so much. I am really proud. I want pictures now~ i want to show her off.

I am going to see pete yorn again tonight. I am excited but at the same time i wish i could relax with jandro. I see him all the time but still i miss him. He works way to much and way to hard. We are getting our lives together though. Soon when school is over, i will be a working fool as well. i wish money didn't exsist and you can just start a life together with happiness.

I didn't show up to take my final today. forget about straight line depreciation im tired. I have to somehow think of the best excuse in america to make up missing this one. Im such a slacker. im tired of school. Instead today i woke up with jandro drove him to work went right to the hospital with my mom and adrienne then we went flower shopping and were about to go for a walk with puppy. how does it actually get better than that. and the hottness of pete yorn tonight. I hate when i know rockstars have girlfriends.

marla i am waiting for you to come home. we have to talk talk talk. i really miss you when you are not around.

Chinos

Wed, 15 May 2002 20:08:57 GMT

fucking one more week of school. ive been busting my ass way to hard these past two weeks on zero sleep. Just when i think i am going to get over 4 hours sleep scarlett gets sick and i have to spend the night at the emergency room. shes feeling better though. god i love her. Tonight i shall be going into the city to see the premier of star wars. i can not understand it. as much as i watch it i sill have a hard time knowing who obey one kanobie is geezzzzzzz look at how i spelt it. it should be a good time though. im going with jandro and his brother.
and the word of knives and greenwater. i saw camerons brother...andrew i think it is. god cameron was so hot. i miss being 16.

Sat, 11 May 2002 14:05:41 GMT

I am lost of what to do with my spanish boyfriend at work. Marla you are right, i wish they did have pamphlet to know the difference between work crush and outside crush. Since my dude doesn't speak much english he went with the honest approach last night "do you like me?" with lots of fillers like " my heart aches for you". It went way to the next level though SUCKS!. One of the other guys there put his hand on my shoulder and then quickly moved it away and then said that johnny would kick his ass if he touched me. GRRRRRRR then he waited till my shift was done so we can talk stupidly me trying to be nice walked him to his car ( which happens to be really nice werid). I gave him the talk, I HAVE A BOYFRIEND I HAVE A BOYFRIEND you will NEVER have a chance with ME! and he looked at me and said he didn't care. The creep tried to do the head turned kiss on the lips uhhhh uhhhh no way. gross. Work crush is offically ruined! fuck!

On another strange note. this fucker. While i am there i notice this increbilbly hot guy walk in. He had hair like JC. Well i was scoping and FUCK it was ryan grahm. god hes so fucking beautiful. i did a pretty good job of ingoring him till ready... he walked by me pinched me on the cheek and said " whatsup sweetheat". That cocky son of a bitch and at the same time it was such a turn on. wasn't he a Sped?

celebrating mothers day today.
Love you girls.

im going on a party ride

Wed, 08 May 2002 19:49:03 GMT

today is a good day besides for scarlett barking directly in my ear. I think she wants to go play outside. Today school was canceled - beautiful. I finally realized today that its going to be offically summer in like three weeks. My favorite time, summer time. I bought tickets to see jimmy eat world today. I think that is the reason for the extra chipper. I am sad that seeing them will never be the same to many radio junkies but i know the jew histeria will be over and i will be able to see them without stadium seats. i have been daydreaming about calling marla all day. I can not find her number. I loose everything.

So last night around 10 30 i got a phone call from george. Its not a big deal or anything. I think he has to be one of the funnest people to hang out with and i can see him being an awesome friend like he once was before i fudged that up. But its just that... i dont know. its just strange. I want to hang out with but i am scared to. I am just so happy with jandro, i havent' looked at anyone else but him in a longing way in forever. I am just nervous i would get that feeling. I would freak. I love jandro i never want to think of anyone else but him.

Today i thought of something really cruel that i once again did to rhett. Remember that friend of his joels. Well i thought he was hot and disregarding my significant others feelings i hoaxed joel into going to a concert with me. I only went to the concert with him to get his attention. And this is the really cruel part... After the show i went back his house knowing the idea of us getting together was going to happen, i called rhett while he was in the shower. And i just replace the feeling...

Imagine this: The boy that you are in love with calls you from the girls house that you know he think is hot. He tells you shes in the shower. And leaves your imagination open for the night they are going to have together.

for dianas sake!

Mon, 06 May 2002 21:47:37 GMT

i dont like this live journal anymore. im bored of it. like i get bored of everything else.

for dianas sake!

Mon, 06 May 2002 21:47:31 GMT

i dont like this live journal anymore. im bored of it. like i get bored of everything else.

for dianas sake!

Mon, 06 May 2002 21:47:24 GMT

i dont like this live journal anymore. im bored of it. like i get bored of everything else.

Mon, 29 Apr 2002 19:35:00 GMT

i dont go to school for absolutely no reason i acutally went as far as calling up the teacher with excuses. I hate this weather. I feel like the rain affects me in everyway possible. Ive felt numb all day long. Times like this i wish i wasn't such a critical brat and had more friends. I am deffintely blessed with marla and nicole. Maybe thats where i go wrong. All my life i have had them and love everything about them so when someone different comes along who doesn't meet there standards i just dont care. So ill spend my days and nights alone waiting for marla to come home from london and nicole to come back from boston. Why aren't i away?
I tried to change my default picture. I think as nicole knows in absolutely no way am i photo friendly. I think i am begining to look spanish. Is that possible?
I haven't had enough energy to really do anything. I wish i could feel well for once. I want to go the the gym. I want to play dance dance revolution. I want to run with scarlett. Im even to tired to get in my car in go somewhere.
Last night Jandro stayed over again. I am trying to convince him to move here with me. Forbid he'd ever say yes. I wish things would move faster. I'd be happily married and have marla and nicole over for coffee while our children play together. STOP RAINING ALREADY.

Thu, 25 Apr 2002 04:31:13 GMT

Its so strange how nothing can really go right in my life. For some reason i woke up with a horrible skin disease. what is that? I had to skip two classes today so i can go to the doctor and have him stare at me in amazement. You think when you go to the doctor they will automatically know whats wrong with you. Not this one. He felt awkward that he didn't know what it was so i guess he tried to ease the tension by taking putting a thermoture (why can i still not spell!) in my mouth. Besides that i am in massive amounts of pain. I can not sit, lay, SLEEP! comfortablily. Along with that a black and blue arm from about 53 tubes of blood taken from me. I really just want to feel well. My luck never lasts.

To hear something on a werid note, the other day Jandro called my house and for some reason my sister called him rhett. Oh god! WHY!
It was just awkward and werid. Its not like he could get made or anything i just hate when the idea gets in his head of someone else, especially rhett. He's been popping up a lot in my mind. I guess just now its settling in that he absolutely not in my life anymore. Its werid to finally let go. And a year later while i am typing this i am wearing his tee shirt. I HATE THAT. instead of gradually filtering this shit out of my life i should just toss it all. Its just so comfortable.

Last night i went to go see garbage. It was actually cool. I was not looking forward to this event at all. After a couple of sips of whatever the hell i was drinking garbage was the funnest band ever. I never thought i would find myself finger pointing to "im only happy when it rains". Its such a wonderful thing. I love my sister, i love hanging out with her. And its so true .. It doesn't matter where you are or what you are doing just matters who you are with. Well i truely feel that way when i am her. She is a burst of energy for me and she makes me laugh like no one else could. I love it!

Marla i am looking for you. You look so good.
Nicole i hope you are having fun. PLLLLLLLLEASE be careful!

Tue, 23 Apr 2002 15:30:57 GMT

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Take the What Sex Position Are You?

Chips

Sat, 20 Apr 2002 22:48:29 GMT

Today what a dark gross day. its rained and i have tryed to ignore it. I still went on my daily run with scarlett just this time we came back soaked. its cool.

Last night Jandro and I spend our evening ringside WWF. GRRRRR!
It was deffintely an experience. I found out that the wrestlers dont wear cups, and no matter how built, strong or tall guys are it has no reflexion on penis size.

and now i am waiting for Jandro to get back from the Yankee game. It seems as though every day he gets more beautiful. AHHHHHHHH his mine!!!!

oh beauty

Wed, 17 Apr 2002 16:29:27 GMT

Why am i online. ENJOY THE SUN~

Thu, 11 Apr 2002 07:33:33 GMT

Since when did we get so old?

Nicole - i have been thinking about the tim thing you told me over the phone. Its so strange and i am so jealous. Its been so long that i have had to think about relations, that when you tell me your issues i think of them as my own. And geez why is it my first reaction to when you tell me about tims friends and boys and shit like that to......"hook it up". Im not hooking up anywhere! I guess in some ways it scares the shit out of me that i am finally dedicated to someone. Come on, you guys know me. god i have been faithful for 7 maybe 8 months. and fuck that george thing but who can resist dirty dancing and 80's night. I think about that all the time and kick myself in the shins for letting me fall for him one more time.And why is it sometimes that i totally feel as though Jandro is not the one for me. Its just so strange to love someone who actually cares about me more than he cares about a new trendy band or how i look around his arm. and with that i find myself playing football video games and going out of my way to try to get hockey tickets. If i had to discribe one way i feel right now it would be like "29". I just wish you guys could get to know him more. He is greatly amazingly funny, sweet, conciderate, respectful, thoughtful yeah yeah yeah. all that and he can go 5 times in one night.
I should sleep.
Come home from !where ever you! are friends. Im getting kind of lonely.

Wed, 10 Apr 2002 06:29:04 GMT

Come get it!

Something Fucky

Tue, 09 Apr 2002 17:48:54 GMT

Its getting to be such a werid feeling when i look at the back of a newspaper and see the faces of people i have had certain sexual relations with. It happens to me pretty often. What the hell was wrong with me! when i was younger and why do all these guys have to have their faces printed! Today was adam with the small dick. These are memories that i do not want to resurface. At least they are all mostly funny ones.

Nicole today i was talking to Janine and she said you give off a sexual vibrations. Do you feel it?

marla i miss you every second. you too nicole.

ALMOST 21.

Drive me CRAZY!

Fri, 05 Apr 2002 18:59:51 GMT

Okay what the hell. Today i have the day off, what do i do all day long. Look at naked pictures of Justin Timberlake. Holy fuck all these years i thought i was kidding about liking justin. ha n sync. Well today i am not kidding. I think i actually got turned on by the digitally imaged pictures of justins penis. He looks so good with no shirt on. I am finally coming out. I LOVE HIM.

Marla i didn't know you were home. Well not home but somewhere where i could call you. I miss you every second and i wish you were home with me to look at the bad porn. and if you ever come across a magazine in london called arena homme with justin on the cover PLEAAASE pick it up for me.
You went to all these places i can't even believe it. You are now one of the traved people. I can't wait to see you geez or talk to you. all my love.

oh justin.

Where is everyone?

Sat, 30 Mar 2002 18:39:48 GMT

Marla, your in a different country so i know that you are not reading this. Nicole i haven't heard from you it seems like ages. Come on!

I found out the other day that i am totally pathetic. I got pulled over while pulling into jandros driveway. Is that possible?
What a fucking asshole!
Turns out that i have no license. the fucker gave me like 23 tickets and waited outside jandros house to see if i would drive again. He called me a liar, its my big plot to drive around with no license. so i can not drive.
Nicole you must come home from whereever you are and marla stop being in foreign countries. i miss you both.

Leave me alone

Tue, 26 Mar 2002 03:28:00 GMT

Just for the chance that he! reads this, hes a fucking detective:

I am totally not even going to say hi to you anymore! The thought of you is so sad, you are pathetic and move on its been years. Ha! its about money. Sure i bet. I will give you your fucking money, its in the mail. Stop writing me e mails stop, messaging me, calling my house and the other day i had a flat tire i could sware it was you who drove 35 miles just to slash it. I hate the way you make me feel and i finally can stop having to always justify myself to you. You are finally out of my life. You just turned insane. I bet my bra is still lying on your bedroom floor like i was just their yesterday.

.........and for some reason im still curious to what he has to say to me